This House Don't Feel Like Home
by Broken Twisted Lullabies
Summary: Gabriel never truly realized up until now that the place he once called home wasn't his home. It hadn't been for a long time.


**Hey guys, been quite some time, I know, and I'm so sorry! Honestly, these last six weeks have been so stressful with projects and exams and I'm so glad it's finally over. I know I said I'd post over the winter break but the first week was spent sick and the second week stressing over a giant art project worth 15% of my final grade. The only highlight of those six weeks was finally catching up on Welcome to Night Vale (and oh my gosh, let me just say the 100** **th** **episode made me grin like a fool at both Cecil and Carlos and Carlos' beautiful speech and if you haven't listened to the podcast do it because it has everything from POC to lgbtqa relationships to healthy relationships to powerful female characters and two sweet dorks who are so in love)**

 **Any who, I'm back and I have a few fics that I've been working on so hopefully I can go back to update every week or every two weeks.**

 **The title is from the song "** ** _Unsteady_** **" by X Ambassadors which was also the reason for the mood of the story (definitely listen to the song, it's just beautiful).**

* * *

He sat in his room, hands loosely covering his ears. Staring out of the open window of his room, Gabriel stared blankly at the beautiful garden that surrounded the Archangels' tower. At first, it had been exciting, like he was in another world away from Heaven and every other angel. It was just a small slice of Paradise belonging only to him and his three older brothers. But the Paradise soon turned foul as Gabriel felt trapped in his perfect sanctuary. The vines he loved to climb when he was younger felt like they were choking him and the bright coloured plants felt nauseating.

In the tower was where the truth was revealed. The masks each Archangel wore while outside these walls were shed and the sides the lesser angels hardly caught glimpses of was visible. Michael was colder, Lucifer harsh and sharp tongued and Raphael was elsewhere, buried in his books whilst ignoring how everything was crumbing away around them.

Their little Paradise was breaking away, cracking just like the pillar Gabriel had seen Lucifer punch years back where the fights weren't that bad. The marble had cracked and pieces broke off, unable to withstand the wrath of the Morning Star.

Shivering, Gabriel wrapped his six gold wings tightly around his body, hoping they might help muffle the screaming he could hear from down the hall. The two were most likely in Father's throne room, fighting about more or less the same thing they always fought about, humans. Their Parent's latest creation and personally, Gabriel found them interesting. They were different than angels and perhaps that was what drew Gabriel in to them. The two humans were softer, kinder than what Gabriel was used to, being always surrounded by arguing and violence. Sometimes, when the walls were too suffocating, the Messenger were fly down to the small planet where the humans lived, watching them invisibly and wondering what was so bad about them?

These small, fragile little mammals were hardly any match against an angel and especially not an Archangel and yet, they were somehow problems in his brothers' eyes.

A sigh escaped his lips and the youngest Archangel found himself no longer trapped in his thoughts but rather returning once more to reality. Back once more to the place he called home. Home. That word was sour on his tongue and felt like a lie. This didn't feel like his home. Not the one he had grew up knowing. His home was warmth and snuggling with his older brothers, laughter filling the air and lazy days out in the garden. Home was their Father smiling proudly; it was Lucifer's stories, Michael's games, Raphael's jokes, and tickle fights, aching tummies and tear filled eyes. It was pranks and tricks and races through the stars.

This wasn't home.

This was empty, dark hallways and screaming, dangerous threats and broken promises. Lies, betrayal, cold glares and absent Fathers. It was loneliness that clung to your grace, weighing it down and tired sighs. Tickle fights became fist fights and jokes became the clashing of blades. Aching tummies became cuts and wounds, games battle practise, and the garden unwelcoming.

Home didn't cause tears and pain. Home was safety and happiness. The knowledge that you weren't alone or forgotten and there would always be a pair of arms to hide in when things got tough. There was always someone to wipe away the tears and bring back the smile and remind you of the good times.

This tower wasn't home. It hadn't been for a while and he knew that. He felt unwelcomed, a stranger in these marble halls. The hope he clung to was fading and Gabriel struggled to keep his grip on it. To not give up the fact that things could get better. That one day, real soon, things would change for the better this time. Michael's stoic appearance would drop, Lucifer's smile would return and their Father would come out of His office more. Raphael would laugh again and things were return to normal. Go back to how they used to be. Back to when it was just the four of them and their Father.

But that could never happen. He had tried so many times to fix this, to even just make things go in the right direction but every time he tried, it fell apart. Gabriel had scars as proof of what had happen when he tried to stop the fights between Michael and Lucifer.

Sighing again, he moved from his perch on the window sill and walked towards his door, willing to try one last time. The sliver of hope he still hung on to pushing him towards his Father's office door.

The Messenger's feet made no sound as they took him down the empty hallway, the sound drowned out by his eldest brothers' voices and Gabriel curled inwards, arms hugging his stomach. It was getting worse, if it were even possible. Squeezing his eyes shut, Gabriel slowly made his way to his Father's office, hoping that his Parent would step in. That He'd stop this once and for all. Their Father used to break up the fights, crossed and disappointed with both His eldest sons and Gabriel would silently thank his Parent for doing so. But when they began to escalate, their Father began to be less involved, letting Michael and Lucifer either fight it out until one stormed away or just got up and left Himself.

He had given up. Then Raphael had. Gabriel though, he was the only one who hadn't. He was the only being left in the tower who hadn't given up and was determined to fix this.

Gabriel flinched at a particularly loud shout could be heard but the Messenger kept walking. He only stopped once he reached his Father's office door and taking a deep breath, knocked. He waited for a response, a voice to welcome him in and after a few moments of silence, Gabriel knocked once more, this time louder.

"Enter," came a muffled response and the gold winged Archangel opened the door, slipping in to his Father's study. Closing the door behind him, Gabriel walked over to his Father's desk and sat in one of the chairs in front of it, gold eyes watching Him carefully.

The Lord looked tired, exhaustion visible in His features. Tearing His dark blue eyes away from the tablet in His hand, He used His free hand to rub His face. "Gabriel, I do not have a message for you to deliver," He stated and the youngest Archangel nodded.

"I know, Father. You haven't given me one in centuries," He pointed out, sounding unhappy. "But I need your help for something else." Leaning forwards, Gabriel said, "Please stop their fighting, Father. Please. I'm so tired of watching my brothers turn on each other, tired of everything falling apart. I've tried to stop it myself, Dad, but they don't listen to me. They will to you though! They always do! Tell Michael and Lucifer to stop fighting and they will."

God sighed, shaking His head. "Gabriel-" He began.

"Please Father," Gabriel interrupted, gold eyes pleading to his Parent to stop all this.

"Gabriel, I won't get involved. This squabble between your brothers is not my problem son. They need to work this out themselves. They do not need me to always step in and do that for them," He explained to His youngest and Gabriel curled one hand into a fist, slamming it down on the table.

"You used to! You used to get involved and stop this! They won't on their own. It's been centuries, Dad. Michael and Lucifer are too prideful to stop this on their own!" Gabriel argued, raising his voice to his Parent. He was angry at his Father because he knew He could stop this. If He got out of His office and walked into the Throne room, the yelling would seize immediately.

"I did, but not anymore, my Messenger. You must learn to solve your own issues without always needing my help," the Lord said sternly to His son and Gabriel narrowed his eyes.

They began to feel damp as tears started to form and Gabriel gave a snarl, "They are tearing each other apart Father! Blood and grace cover the floor of your Throne room! How bad must it get before you step in? How long should this last before it occurs to you they need a third party to solve this? Does one of my brothers have to die before you realize this is out of their control?" Gabriel found himself yelling now, his voice for once drowning out the yells from down the hall. "What will it take you to realize how bad this is Dad? Things aren't getting better!" He was standing now, leaning over his Father's desk, and panting.

"Enough Gabriel," He warned, power slipping out into His words. "We can talk another time when you are more level headed. You are excused."

"Me, not level headed? I wonder why!" Gabriel exclaimed, baring his teeth. "I hate you," he spat. "This is all your fault. Had you not given Lucifer that mark, had you not created those humans things were be okay. I would still have my big brothers!" Tears began to fall down his cheeks and Gabriel rubbed them away roughly. He pushed off from the desk, not looking his Father in the eyes and stormed out. His grace was crackling with fury. Not only had his Parent completely ignored what was happening right under His nose, but He also refused to even try to help.

Reaching his room, Gabriel flung open the door and then slammed it shut, the noise drowned out by his brothers' voices. Only once he was in the safety of his room away from everyone else did Gabriel collapse onto his bed and break down crying, weeping as everything came crashing down around him. It was over. There was no possible way to fix his family. Not now. Michael and Lucifer would never stop, Raphael didn't care anymore, and Father didn't want to get involved. And now, Gabriel was done too. The tiny sliver of hope he had clung onto for so long was snuffed out with the realization that it was just him left. None of the younger angels would dare to go up against Michael or Lucifer and without his other brother or Father; Gabriel wasn't strong enough to take them on his own so he did the next best thing. He gave up. Just like everyone else he had depended on, he gave up and wasn't going to get involved. Not anymore.

Sniffling, he curled up in his wings and just lay there, seeing glimpse of his and his brothers' stars between the feathers of his wings. Teary eyes focused on the bright balls of light, he pleaded them to only keep things the way they were. For things to not get worse but it seemed even the stars didn't care.

* * *

Gabriel wandered down the hall towards his room, having returned from visiting some of the younger angels only to freeze in his tracks at the trail of blood on the ground. Eyes wide, he followed it quickly, rounding the corner to find Michael's door open and said Archangel struggling to wrap one of his wounds. It was the worst one, compared to the other injuries that he had and Gabriel cleared his throat quietly, making his presence known at his brother's doorway.

Michael's head snapped up at the sound and his cold eyes softened ever so slightly at him, giving Gabriel a nod. "Hello Gabriel."

"Hey Mike," the Messenger said softly, entering his brother's room. "I can help you with that," he added, gesturing to the wound Michael was trying to wrap and the older Archangel hesitated before nodding, removing his own hands for Gabriel to take over. Gabriel removed the hastily placed bandages, walking towards the water basin and using a clean cloth, he dipped it in the water before returning to his older brother, gently cleaning away the blood first. After that, he dabbed the wound dry and then grabbing the bandage, Gabriel began to wrap the wound.

An awkward, heavy silence filled the air, not just in the room but in the whole tower and it was odd, the tower being so quiet for once. It seemed like ages since that had last happened and Gabriel almost forgot what it was like not hearing shouting all the time. It was…nice.

The gold winged Archangel, while working opened his mouth to speak but Michael beat him to it.

"If you are going to ask me to stop with the fighting, I'm sorry baby brother, but I will not provide Lucifer with the satisfaction of winning this argument," Michael told him bluntly and Gabriel shook his head, pausing his actions.

"I know you won't." Gabriel swallowed his sigh and his gold eyes left his brother's blue ones. "We wouldn't need a prideful Archangel in this tower anyways," he mumbled bitterly, low enough that Michael didn't fully catch what he had said. "Besides, Mikey, that's not what I was going to say."

Michael raised a brow, waiting for his brother to continue. He was curious as usually when Gabriel talked with him, especially lately, it was to stop the fighting, but now it seemed his baby brother had something else on his mind.

Looking back at Michael, Gabriel said, "I was just going to ask why you didn't go to Raphael to have him heal you." It wasn't a complete lie. He was wondering that but at the same time he did want to beg him to stop it but it was a fruitless case. Nothing could push down the pride his two brothers had.

Michael was quiet for a moment, searching Gabriel's face and most likely catching the half lie before saying, "He's dealing with Lucifer's wounds right now. Besides, he's not exactly happy we keep asking him to help with our injuries." Had things been different Gabriel would almost swear he saw the corner of his brother's mouth quirk up into a small smile but it was just his mind tricking him.

Gabriel snorted. "Well if you used your words rather than your blade then he wouldn't have to constantly patch you up," he joked, trying to lift the moods of everyone in the room.

"You should tell that to Lucifer," Michael said coldly, reverting back to his stoic, general-like mentality. There was a frown on his face and his eyes were dark which caused Gabriel to flinch slightly. Whether Michael noticed it or not, the eldest Archangel chose not to point it.

Gabriel only gave an awkward nod at his brother's words, not sure what to say next.

"How is your garrison?" Michael wondered and Gabriel gave a half shrug.

"Fine, I guess."

Turning his head, Michael looked a bit confused. "You guess?"

Eyes wide, Gabriel quickly added, "They're good-great actually! Listening perfectly, sweet kids you know. Really know what they're doing and I'm proud of them and-"

"You're rambling," Michael interrupted curtly and Gabriel's mouth snapped shut. He then, to keep himself busy, began to clean the rest of the blood from his brother's wounds, wrapping any other remaining injuries that were fairly deep or still slowly oozing blood.

At a particular wound, Michael winced and Gabriel apologized, moving quickly to wrap the bandage around the shoulder wound, hands now shaking.

"Sorry Mike," he apologized once more, nervous.

"It's fine, Gabriel." It was short and cold and Gabriel only nodded, trying to focus once more. After that, the room fell silent once more and the awkwardness crept back.

"There, all done. Anything I might've missed?" The Messenger asked his older brother, hands clasped and Michael shook his head.

"No. Thank you though, Gabriel," He answered and Gabriel dipped his head, leaving quickly and quietly. Their whole meeting had felt wrong, lacking something that was once there. It was shorter, colder and Gabriel didn't feel like he was talking to his big brother. Never before had Gabriel ever been nervous around his older brother and yet, during the conversation, his grace was on edge. His big brother would've smiled and waved away the wince, acting in such a way to make Gabriel not feel bad for hurting his brother more by accident but back there that was the General of the Host. The Messenger feel like a stranger when talking to his big brother, a feeling he had never once experienced and it made his grace whimper.

Making his way back towards his room, he paused at Raphael's door, straining to hear something but it was silent in there and giving a sigh, the youngest Archangel locked himself back in his own room, trying to hide from everything else.

* * *

The fighting started back up a few decades later and Gabriel knew it had been too perfect to be true. The silence of their tower had been only temporary and both his eldest brothers were back at it with their yelling and cursing. Personally though, he had been surprised they hadn't gotten back at each other's throats sooner.

He hated it here, in the tower, in Heaven. Outside of the tower he acted too cheerful, smiled too warmly, and pretended everything was alright for his siblings. He'd laugh, tell jokes and made them believe things weren't falling apart. That Michael's and Lucifer's fights were small little spats, rare and all the Archangels loved each other. That they were all still brothers but inside the tower was when the masks came off and everyone's true colours were revealed. They screamed, they fought, and they were the complete opposite to what every other angel in Heaven saw them as.

So get away from all that Gabriel began to visit Earth more, his Father's last creation and spend his time amongst the humans. They had changed so much since he had last visited them and yet, Gabriel felt more welcome there then he did in his own home. He'd watch them, invisible to the human eye, studying how they acted and as time passed, the Messenger grew fonder of this small dirt planet and fragile creatures. Here he couldn't hear his brothers' screams; here he didn't have to pretend to be happy. There were no older brothers to please here, no garrisons to look after, none of that.

Gabriel felt more alive on Earth than he did living in Heaven for centuries.

* * *

This fight was worse than all the others. When Gabriel had stumbled upon his two older brothers, he found himself watching in horror at just how bad it had truly become. Both were panting, eyes glowing and both blood and sweat rolled down their skin. Pristine white robes were stained red and the blue-white glow of grace was visible through the deepest wounds. Their swords were gripped tightly in their hands and wings arched high above their heads. But that wasn't what made the sight of them sickening to Gabriel's grace. No, it was the splatter of blood and grace on the ground around them; it was the hatred in their eyes. Lips pulled back in snarls, bodies stiff and waiting for their enemy to make the next move. The two Archangels looked wild, much like some of the creatures Gabriel had seen on Earth. They no longer saw each other as brothers, as family. Each was an enemy to the other, a stranger, a monster even.

"Stand down, beast." Michael spat blood onto the ground and glared at Lucifer, who only gave a laugh that chilled Gabriel's grace.

"I will never bow down to those pieces of filth, Michael," Lucifer hissed back, lunging forwards and the two met in the middle, metal clashing with metal.

Gabriel shrank backwards, tears in his eyes. These were not the brothers he once knew. They looked like Michael and Lucifer but they were not them. He wanted to run forwards, get in the middle and yell at them to stop. Yell that they were brothers but he didn't. He had tried that far too many times and each time, it had only ended with him getting injured and putting a hold on their fighting. Instead he just watched from the sidelines.

"You will obey our Father, Lucifer!"

Lucifer gave a response to Michael's shout but Gabriel tuned it out, stumbling away from the Throne room. He had seen enough to make him feel sick. Knocking on Raphael's door, he hoped that his big brother would let him in. Be the only familiar face in a house of strangers but a hiss of "Go away Gabriel" proved he was wrong.

"Please Raph," the gold winged Archangel tried, pounding on his brother's door but rather than getting a response like the first time, Raphael was silent. Hand flat on the door; he hung his head in defeat. "Please," he whispered brokenly. "Raphy?" He stood there for a second, silently wishing at Raphael might change his mind and open the door, pulling Gabriel in to a safe embrace, but that never happened. He waited but Raphael never opened the door.

Taking a shaky breath, the Archangel took a step back from the door and ruffled his wings. If Raphael wasn't going to answer, he'd had to try his final option. Making his way towards his Father's office, he knocked hard on the large oak door. No response came and Gabriel tried once more, still receiving silence. With a frown on his face, the youngest Archangel placed an ear to the door, trying to hear movement inside but there wasn't any. He then grabbed the doorknob and swung open the door, only to find the office empty. His Father was not there.

"Father?" He called out, worried, and a tad bit scared. His Father was always here in His office. Or should He had just stepped out for a moment, Gabriel would know. He'd always know. But the room felt cold and empty. His presence didn't linger and he felt more alone then he ever had been. His Father had left him. Had left all of Heaven and was gone. Grabbing on to the doorway, Gabriel tried to steady himself as a sob escaped, tears forming at the corners of his eyes.

"Father," Gabriel whimpered, eyes searching the room.

God was gone though and all He had left behind was a list of instructions. Gabriel moved towards the desk, unrolling the scroll left behind and read the instructions through tear eyes, choking back another sob. It was short, barely three tasks long but the first one made Gabriel's grace freeze.

 _Michael,_

 _Banish Lucifer into Hell. A Cage awaits him there were he will remain trapped until the seals are broken. Only once 66 are broken then shall he rise and thus shall the end of days begin._

Below was a list of the seals, all scribbled in the Scribe's hasty handwriting and Gabriel rolled it back up immediately, not wishing to look at the remaining tasks. If their Father planned on locking away Lucifer in Hell then what other horrible jobs had He left for His Archangels to complete? Not wanting to know the answer, Gabriel left quickly, scroll in hand, and dropped it at Michael's door where he knew his brother would find it.

There was nothing left for him, the Messenger realized, finally admitting that to himself after all this time. With his Father gone, he no longer could deliver messages and his older brothers had made it clear just how much family had meant to them. Sucking in a painful breath, Gabriel spread his six gold wings and closed his eyes. He had never belonged here, not truly, and this was no longer his home. Everything he had known was mere memories now and with that, the Messenger flapped his mighty wings and was gone. He ran to the planet that felt like his old home and tossed away everything of his old life, finding a new family.

And Michael and his brothers would never realize he was gone until after Lucifer had been banished. But even then, they didn't care enough to go find him.

* * *

 **Just a short, sad little thing I thought about after watching the latest episode of Fox's Lucifer where it had that scene with the song "** ** _Unsteady_** **." This does go against my other headcanons of Gabriel leaving after the fall, God leaving after as well but I wanted to write something different.**

 **Let me know if you guys liked it or not and hopefully I should have more stuff up real soon (I promise this time!).**

 **-Ally**


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